Dude, We Are Not Friends
“I hand picked you, you think sensibly/ they friends with you, don’t need em’ to be friends with me” – Joe Budden
I’m not a people person. You know that guy that steps in a room and everyone likes him, I’m not him. I don’t think I’m better than niggas, I just don’t know how to hide that I am. If you know one of my niggas, you’re just a nigga that knows one of my niggas, you’re still not my nigga. With that said, I’ll say what’s up, just nothing else. Women often ask me, “so what do you and your boys do?”, I quickly answer, “women.”
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There Is No Duplicate
“Missing her in the shower…real hair wet and she doesn’t give a fuck…getting down on her knees….lifting me up on my tippy toes…straight to the bed without drying off….”
“You know that feeling you get when you’re broke and you find money in your pants pocket…that’s how I feel about you everytime I see you.”
I don’t need to be drunk to express myself; I miss her. My theme music — Anthony Hamilton’s Point Of It All on repeat, softly playing on these weak Toshiba speakers. I like several women, I love a few, and there are a couple that I’d love to have by my side when I turn the lights out on this entire lifestyle. When I’m ready to come home to one woman and kiss her on the forehead…or smack her on the ass…I can see her. It’s not right, I’m saying baby, just wait…
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The Sex Soundtrack
Sexual Underestimation; it’s a beautiful thing. You’re all set to have sex with someone, expecting an average experience, never imagining that your partner will be exceedingly proficient in sexual pleasure. Her sex drive needed a chauffeur; I felt like whipping the whip. Win, Win, right? Green Light.
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Help Me Pick My Next License Plate
It’s freezing in Michigan right now, but in just a few months, women will once again be outside half-naked and I’ll return to sexing ladies in the back seat at parks, driveways, and other random places in the Metro Detroit area. With that said, I think a custom plate is in order. One bad thing about a plate is that it is easy to identify. A woman might now know what car is mine, but she’ll be sure when she sees my custom plate. Since I know I have some of the best readers in the world, well aside from 3 or 4 of you, I’m putting my fate in your hands. So pick a plate, vote in the comments, and let’s make this happen.
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Top 5 Ways To Be A Courteous Cheater
5. Keep Your Dick Clean
So you just finished banging out your side piece and you’re headed over your main girl’s house to spend some quality time with her; not so fast. Before you meet up with her, take a shower. Just washing off your dick might seem like an acceptable solution, but any woman with common sense will wonder why your dick and balls smell like fresh soap, but the rest of you doesn’t.
4. Feed Your Boo
If you’re decided to go out on a date with one of your backup lady friends, be considerate to your main squeeze. If your jumpoff gets to eat, then so does your boo, so pack up those leftovers and serve her in bed.
3. Fresh Kisses
If you dare to give one of your mistresses oral sex, make sure you brush your teeth, floss, and use mouth wash atleast twice before kissing your girlfriend again. In addition, it is common courtesy to wait atleast 24 hours. If she tries to kiss you first, give her a nice kiss on the cheek instead.
2. Sharing Is Caring
Nobody likes a stingy pimp. If you have hoes on the side cashing you out, be sure to share some of that money with your wifey. If your young chick works at Macy’s, use her discount to pick up your girl something nice. If your old lonely chick gives you $300 to buy some new shoes, spend $250 on yourself and pick up your girl some heels from Bakers.
1. Make sure she comes first
Not even the most understanding woman wants to think that you’re giving some other hussy more attention than her. Invest in a time chart in which you can keep up with the women you’ve seen and how long you’ve seen them. Next time she says, “I don’t get the most amount of your time anymore,” you can print out the chart from Week 10 and confirm that she officially received 12.3 hours and number two only got 6.3 hours.
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The 10 Facebook Commandments
It’s rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step by step booklet for you to get
your game on track, not your wig pushed back
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10 Things I Noticed In The Video Of The Week
1. What the fuck is on his gun? It looks like someone bust a nut on the slide.
2. That’s not enough money for 10 niggas to share. It looks like they robbed a 7-11.
3. They did a horrible cut job on his sunroof.
4. Where are the hoes? It’s like 500 niggas out there.
5. Did he just pop the tag on a Parish t-shirt? That 29.99 shit on Dr. Jays?
4. That was the WORST girl in the world they could have shown off.
5. I saw niggas shooting dice with 1′s on the ground. :-\
6. Wait, FAKE JORDANS. Ahhhhhh! NikeTalk Alert….FAKE JORDANS ON A DOPEBOY!!!!
7. I think they need to get back on the block asap. No breaks for these niggas.
8. “Smoking cigrettes. See” :-\
9. Wait, another rat.
10. I see why white people look at every black dude with a chain and fitted cap on like they are idiots.
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