Let Me Vent: Perhaps…
Perhaps I was too caught up in the way she kissed my erections. The way she kept it full of saliva like we were starring in porn specializing in oral sex. Perhaps my mind was still amazed by the curves she was so beautifully blessed with or the way she sexually excited my mind in anticipation of being inside of her body tunnel. The positions all over the bed, from bouncing to grinding. Slow and passionate; rough and hard.
Perhaps, I’m a fool. She learned that sex drive from prior relationships. This is not new pussy, this is NEW TO YOU PUSSY. There was no contract signed, no vows exchanged. She’s not mine. Turned out? As my man’s on ‘The Wire’ would say, “SHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTT.” Signs being ignored. She craves attention, I deflect it. Perhaps my game isn’t what I thought it was; I haven’t replaced her yet. I’ll be damn if she’s IRREPLACEABLE. Nobody is that…right? Tell me I’m right. I don’t even know this woman. Never met her family, don’t know her friends…I don’t know her history; just that her present is full of presents that I love receiving.
Perhaps I don’t want to be without a woman to cook and clean. I’ve always had one. I need to have that one consistent partner in life, if even for a season, that I can confide in. She was that, shit, she should be that. But she’s not as she seems. They say if she’s the best bitch, I’d become a different man. Bullshit. A woman doesn’t hold that power, only I can change myself. When I’m ready to dead this lifestyle and commit completely to the queen in my life; would it even be to her? Perhaps. Perhaps Not. She doesn’t fit this list I’m looking at; check, check, NO, check, check, NO. I’m wondering how I would measure up on hers. O’ well, who cares? I measured up well enough to fuck her. Perhaps it doesn’t take too much to enter her box. It could be one of those boxes that desperate people put beside them on the street and anyone, ANYONE, can just come in and throw money in it. They just need the money. Perhaps she just needs the attention. I’m hoping her box is a more like one of those secret society boxes. Where only a hand full of men had the little white piece of paper…and never two at a time.
Perhaps I’m hypocritical. Fuck that, I am. My way or the highway. Don’t care about the ass-to-waist ratio or how many degrees you have. There will be no NEGOTIATING….call Samuel for that. Don’t like it? Beat it. Nobody is holding you here. Yea, that’s what I tell these hoes…but every woman isn’t a hoe. Perhaps I want to reach out and hug her and tell her, “Baby, don’t go.” That’s not what niggas do though, that’s what MEN do…when you know she’s worth keeping. When you know you’re not right, but you don’t want to fight, so you let her take flight. I run through em’, shit just hit a chick and I don’t even remember ol’ girls name, I fucked her just because I liked her smile…I hated her pussy. I fucked her friend hoping wack pussies don’t flock together…I was wrong. Should I expect a woman to know I do that type of stuff and accept that?
Perhaps I have a cocky dick. Did this std-free status go to my head? I’m getting my dick sucked like my doctor didn’t tell me that 1/4 women she’s had in her office (when asked to do a checkup) have chlamydia in the mouth. All it takes is one. Might be one out of 300. But one. Perhaps I’m not feeling those odds anymore.
Perhaps, I’m putting a woman on a pedestal that doesn’t even deserve a step stool. It’s all the same, niggas are floors to her; hardwood, marble, ceramic tile, whatever. She walks on them until it’s time to go to another room. Too blind to see that she’s in here with stilettos and over there barefoot.
Perhaps I’m expecting too much out of something that should have no expectations. Cringing at the sight of her and dude X, Y, and Z. Perhaps it’s time for me to devote myself to a woman as much as I want her to devote herself to me. Perhaps…
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Author: The Undresser
Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.
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43 Comments
7/7/2010
Oh my. Are we maturing? I’ve actually read this blog for quite some time. (My first comment was yesterday though) And I don’t recall ever reading any type of emotion for a girl that didn’t completely revolve around sex or an attitude of some sort. Kudos if you are. p.s. you’ll know when it’s time to devote yourself. Just pay close attention.
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July 7th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
PERHAPS….don’t read too much into it…because I’m not saying I’m going to go out tomorrow and commit to anyone. I’m just saying, what I felt at the moment.
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7/7/2010
Seems like you may have met your match.
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July 7th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
you think so QT?
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7/7/2010
I don’t care what they are saying about your emotions, maturity, etc. Big ups on this piece. It was poetic and random…but also prose with a purpose. Ha! Nice.
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7/7/2010
This blog touched me a little..I never doubted your level of maturity, so i won’t say you sounded mature..I do hear that you are tired of the lifestyle and won’t waiver on your expectations of your QUEEN to be, and if whoever you’re speaking of does not have all those qulities..I believe when chosing your maye, some things should be negotionable(sp), but some things you should stand firm….Anywhoo big KUDOS for this piece, it helped me to understand you more….
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7/7/2010
perhaps you are a fool. but only time will tell. I really do think your current life will haunt you. I do hope it is in the least tragic way possible though. Good luck with sorting those feelings/possible feelings out.
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July 7th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
well thank, I think. lol @ least tragic. I don’t feel bad about my lifestyle…I’m just thinking about her and her. QUALITY PICKS…and shit, as much as I thought it was, good chemistry and love is not that easy to come by.
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7/7/2010
You already know what I’ll say…
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7/7/2010
Boo, she just doesnt give a damn bout what u do, cause she does the same.
OF COURSE u’d be down for the challenge, she’s the female you. Let’s see who wins this battle.
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July 7th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
I CONCUR….SO HAVE TO AGREE W/ YOU….I THINK IT’S PURSUIT AND THE CHALLENGE OF THE CHASE THAT PROBALY EXCITES HIM…WHO KNOWS W/ HIM
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July 7th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
I think when everything turns too easy, the thing that doesnt go ur way is the one ur stuck on. But yeah, u never know
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7/7/2010
Wow Undresser. You called and asked me about laying with another guy and I thought you believed me. Yet you did a stat and a blog? Touching in a way, yet also saddens me, too. I kept wanting to reply fully to this the last hour, but I have something I must do with my sister and then i’ll come back and respond with a short message and then with a complete version on my own website so I don’t bore your audience with my many words. Limited to 600 characters anyway. LOL! Though I will leave you with 4 words that you’ve yet to understand, believe, or appreciate…i DO love you.
Stay Tuned…
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7/7/2010
no it isn’t. I think you don’t feel bad about your lifestyle now because it has been good to you. you might regret it if it affects the LOVE of your life, and I don’t mean the person. And you’re welcome. I have no reason or desire to wish you negative things.
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7/7/2010
If there is a woman worth sacrificing ur game for you wouldn’t have so many doubts…and if she wanted the same from you that shit would flow right. If the signs ain’t there. They ain’t there…challenges yes. But you shouldn’t have to force it…
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7/7/2010
Perhaps…what a curious word. I agree with the others who said that this post has nothing to do with maturity. Regardless of how self indulgent and arrogant your actions were/are, you have never been immature. However your quasi-existentialist pondering does indicate a slight shift in perspective. Change for the better…perhaps? LOL
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7/8/2010
UH, follow your first thought. You might get the answers your looking for. Take time out and find out what it is that you want. I’ve always thought you were mature with a wild side and that’s fine. Think about the women who feel this way about you…. they handle it and move on. If it’s meant to be it will happen. If she can except your life style, mains, randoms, and the rest. You should return the favor…….seem like she got you though.
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7/8/2010
I feel the same way, also AT TIMES. I don’t consider myself a player.. but i’m single & honest, (sparingly) about me dating multiple people and/or the possibilty of me becoming intimate with whoever without a warning or worry towards anyone’s feelings. BUT recently.. I reunited with my best friend from the 3rd grade. We had what you call chemistry, good sex & just seeing him made me smile and thennnn.. FUCK! I feel a crush coming and don’t know how to act, worrying i might push him away. My minds thinks about things i regularly wouldn’t think twice about.. ugh! How annoying. lol
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7/8/2010
Interesting… But I really don’t want to comment too much about it.
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7/8/2010
This post is reminiscent of others. I don’t think change is imminent.
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7/8/2010
Perhaps…people don’t understand. This isn’t about YOU, or YOU, or YOU. It’s about me and all of them. This isn’t about you Bumblebee, although parts are. This is equally about L’anor, Bubbles, Bumble Bee, and Jabs. Maybe a few others…the boxer, Chicago Fantasy, Georgia Peach, etc… The only one who seemed to understand that this wasn’t focused on one woman was Poitree and Sanaya.
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7/8/2010
Guess from your call…that leaked into your stat that appeared to be followed with the post along with your responses to these comments,……i just assumed…should have known better…ah well…carry on sweetie.
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July 8th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
nah, that stat was DEFINITELY about you…but the call was straight so I’d get a straight answer…remember, COMMUNICATION. You cleared it up, even though I don’t believe you…lol, but it’s what it is. This blog though…was on different levels, random rants.
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July 8th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
communication is good for any relationship babes…but so is trust…can’t trust me then i understand.
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July 8th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
btw…lol@my other messages being moderated for being too long on the other post i wrote on you…haha…oh well…
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7/8/2010
awww how cute. Honestly Bumblebee, I think if you can look past his ways, to put it lightly, then at the end of the day you huys will be happy. That’s all that matters, being happy, whatever, whomever and wherever that entails.
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July 8th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
thanx chick! appreciate it! and i can look past it…i have looked passed it. though if he’s really not trying, then i’ll cut down on my effort and apply the energy elsewhere that’s needed. just delete having feelings and be friends.
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July 10th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I don’t expect her to look past my ways. I don’t think any woman who is capable of that…for a lifetime, is the type of woman I’d want. You know what I call those wives who openly let their husbands sleep with other women….STUPID.
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July 12th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
i hear that @ stupid…i can’t get that concept when you’re in a committed relationship especially like marriage…but i guess if you built this thought around accepting it from the beginning of your relationship, then it becomes natural and acceptable that this is what he’s gonna do…
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7/8/2010
Perhaps there is a subliminal battle between the monogamous undresser and the promiscuous undresser that surfaces only when times are low. (Curious to see which undresser is triumphant
Not shocking though as it’s only natural for human beings to seek some semblance of companionship as they mature. Whatever it is you’re experiencing , I wish you well,……….fyi whatever it is, has fuelled such a great post, absolutely my fav thus far.
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July 10th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
that’s a nice interpretation of what I wrote. Sometimes peoples comments make me really start to analyze what was going on in my mind when I wrote something. My heart and mind go to war often.
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7/8/2010
Maybe I’m wrong… but this is what I got out of this… Since you are not talking about a specific woman from your past Its like a recap. Its like dang I was so stuck on your style of fukin that I might have missed my queen in the blur of things. I like the part when u said “She was that, shit, she should be that.” … clearly its this girl and that girl…. u get me?? Its like u are going back and forth with urself. Its like I could miss out, but would it be worth it to chillout with what Im doing and find out later that i wasted my time. SMH decisions, descisions… I have a few thoughts about this blog. I really enjoyed reading it even without trying to interpret it. Nice
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July 10th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
thanks.
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7/8/2010
I really like it
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7/8/2010
wow…speechless…
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7/10/2010
I am totally shocked you are STD-free. I thought Your d**k would have gangrene by now.
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July 10th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
ehhh, it’s God just looking out for me….for now. I imagine, at some point, if I continue to be hard headed, the way he’ll REALLY TEACH me is by giving me some tough love. Hopefully I get in line before that has to happen.
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July 12th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
you imagine at “some point”…..”if” you continue to be hard headed?…..dang…how much are you “really” doing?
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7/10/2010
I didn’t mean look past your ways in that manner. I meant look past meaning being able to get past it and believe you are ready to settle down. your past is very hard to stomach. that being said, your real main (wife) would have to be able to look past your previous life. I don’t agree, or understand, with letting your husband be promiscuous..
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July 11th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
See, I don’t see a main as a wife. I see a WIFE as a wife. Main implies the most important in a group. You don’t say your main job if you only have one job. My lifestyle will change LONG before I propose to a woman. It’s foolish to me, for a person to suddenly get married when 3 weeks ago, they were having sex with multiple women in uncommitted relationships. When i get to the point that I just want to date one woman, I just want her and I show her that by living that way. No title needed. Then after a while of living life giving my time and heart to just ONE woman, then I’ll try to make her my wife. In all honesty, I think a man needs to commit to two things before he ever tries to commit to a woman: God and himself.
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July 11th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
“…I think a man needs to commit to two things before he ever tries to commit to a woman: God and himself.”
.
THIS! absolutely. Sometimes I absolutely adore you AS YOU ARE. And as the MAN you are growing to be. And that one short paragraph just…*sigh* that was worth printing and framing. Somewhere, hidden in all of the baggage you are carrying and contributing to, is some woman’s HUSBAND. I am completely ecstatic to be your friend at this revealing moment in your life.
.
I know. Too much.
So what!??!
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July 12th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
that’s just the truth. As you begin to grow closer to God, speaking of my personal experiences and those with “stand up” men, things of the flesh….SOME THINGS….you just no longer yearn to do. Lying, cheating, deceiving, etc… those things that can ruin a relationship, those will no longer be in your heart to do, no because you met the woman of your dreams, but because you don’t believe in that way of life anymore. I think I know SOME of the things it takes to get on the “right” track, I’m just not ready to them right now. All I can say is hopefully I’m on the right side of the tracks before that train comes.
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7/18/2010
Perhaps you should commit more random thoughts like the above to the blog. I don’t want to comparatively say this is “the realest sh*t you ever wrote”, but it seems to be more of an expose’ into the inner you than usual, as opposed to your outer actions. It also lends to the thought that this post was more prose than narrative. I think you and your readers both could use occasional does of that.
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