Lesson Learned: MAKE HER GET OUT OF THE CAR

In a world full of misleading camera angles and photoshop, it’s nice to know that going outside and actually meeting people face to face is a pretty safe way to know that you’re getting what you see…sometimes. In the real world, weave, make up, body shapers, and only God knows what else are tools some women use to present the package as better than it really is. Unfortunately for me, none of these minor issues where what I was about to fall victim to. It was something much worse; something so sinister it should be banned in America (well atleast Michigan); something that I just can’t deal with…

I want to say that I honestly take NO pleasure in writing this. The young woman that inspired this is one of the sweetest, dearest, kindest women that I’ve ever met. I don’t even know if negative things are able to come out of her mouth. I hope she never reads this, but I have to be honest…

It’s around 5 or 6 p.m. and I’m driving down Michigan Ave in Dearborn, on my way to Macy’s to pick up a white Polo shirt. I’m in chill mode, but I’m very aware; listening to Red Cafe express his love to have sex with the opposite sex, “she tell you she celibate, she tell me ‘we fucking’.” My eyes rotate like clockwork, from mirror to mirror, watching out for the most ticket writing police officers in all of Michigan. Out of the corner of my eye, some little mini-van/SUV pulls up next to me….

I glanced in her direction, then looked away…only for my brain to process what it just saw and immediately send me a message to my eyes to do a double-take. Long hair, sun glasses, a pretty face, and very full lips. YES! I’m looking at her, nah, I’m STARRING, but she’s ignoring me and I KNOW SHE CAN FEEL ME STARRING. My dumb ass forgot I still had music blasting out of my car. She looks over at me and gives a slight smile, before driving off. God was on my side though, well it might not have been so much God as whoever designed the stop lights system in Dearborn, but we ended up at the next red light together. She was listening to some R&B stuff, sounded like Musiq, but as long as it wasn’t Gucci Mane, I could care less.

I spoke to her, “Hello miss.” Yes, that’s the best I could come up with. Don’t judge me. She seemed as if she didn’t hear me for a second, but she was turning down her car stereo. “Hi,” she responded. I checked my mirrors again to check for the police. “You’re looking nice,” I said in my most seductive voice. She simply smiled and said “thank you.” She asked me if that was why I was starring at her a minute ago, and I said something to the effect of, “oh, see look at you with the big head.” She laughed and I noticed the light changed to green. I checked my mirrors again and I could see traffic approaching in the distance. “What’s your name?” I asked, ***** she said, “and yours?”…”******.” “Can I get your number?” I asked while keeping an eye on the cars coming behind us. “Umm, I’ll take yours,” she said. At that point, I already felt like I had failed, but I figured I’d give her my number anyway. After giving the impression that she was putting my number in her phone, she gave me the “ok” confirmation and said she’d call me later.

There is something so wack about a woman telling you that she’ll take your number. She might as well say, “I’m not interested,” because darn it, that’s what it feels like she’s saying. Thankfully, when women have told me that in the past, most of them actually did call me, but it still doesn’t feel good when it happens.

Well, she didn’t call me later, or the next day, or the next day. By that time, I’d pretty much forgotten that I ever met her. Well, I’m lying. I didn’t so much forget as to try to drive her out of my mind. A few days later, I got a text from an unknown number, which after some investigation, turned out to be her. We had basic convo, but the most interesting thing was that she does graphic design. I think I really have a thing for women who get money using a computer. After a while we decided to catch a movie together, which is something I pretty much NEVER do with strangers. We agreed to go Dutch, although I could tell by her tone that she wasn’t feeling it, but I had to stick to my morals here.

Up to this point, everything was good. UP TO THIS POINT. I’m sitting outside of the movie theater near Ikea off I-75, talking to her on the phone asking where she was. She can see me, but I can’t see her…which is weird off back. Then I see her face, then my eyes got the full view. Shucks. I closed my eyes and opened them again, hoping that I was just bugging, but no, what I was seeing was real. She was reversed. An upside down snow man. She was… Sherri Shepherd of a few years ago (I think she looks nice now though). Yall know what i mean right? Bigger up top than down low.

I was heart broken. Seriously, sad. Poitree and Melissa said they both could hear the sadness in my voice when I told them about it. Everything was perfect, except this, and this was a BIG ISSUE. So now what should I do? Try to get back in the car and leave? Nah, I’m not cut that way. How about lie to get out of it? Possibly. Now I’m thinking what if I see other girls I know, bisexual ones…this could RUIN me. I put my pride aside and realized that shit, I’m not the best looking man on the block either. I have flaws, plenty of them…from physical to financial. I could almost hear God saying, “Get over yourself.” I held my head high and opened the door for her and we walked in. We purchased our tickets separately and then made our way to the concession stand. Oh let me mention that the Emagine Canton does NOT have discounted rates Monday thru Thursday like AMC does…I WON’T BE GOING THERE AGAIN.

I was on a cash budget, meaning I’m only spending what’s in my pocket and I’m not taking my debit card out!! So I get the popcorn and she asked me if I wanted something to drink and I said sure. She gets two Icees and hands the man her debit card, “it was DECLINED,” the guy behind the counter said. She looked dumbfounded, but I didn’t say anything because I’ve been there before. She pulled out another card and it was declined as well. I didn’t feel like she was trying to pull one on me because she just paid for her own ticket with one of those, but damn, two different ones? After the second failure, I just bought our drinks on my own. What should have been one $4.95 ticket to a Tuesday movie, turned into a $25 splurge. For that kind of money, I might as well have gone out with Bubbles or Bumble Bee.

I don’t even remember what we saw, but I do remember having a decent time. Afterward, I walked her to her car and gave her a church hug. All of this could have been avoided if I would just have done what I usually do when I meet women while driving, ASK THEM TO PULL OVER AND GET OUT. We pull off to some residential street, get out and talk to one another. Short cuts leave you girls you have to cut short.

What would you have done at various parts of this situation? Would you still go somewhere with someone you weren’t attracted to, at all?

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Author: The Undresser

Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.

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