The Bogus Threesome: Sometimes Two Is Better Than Three

I have a thing for girls that like girls, although, to some odd degree of hypocrisy on my end, I’ve never been in a relationship or loved a woman who actually enjoyed the same sex. There’s something to be said about men and the standards we look for in a wife and the drop off of those standards when we’re just out busting nuts.

This time, I wasn’t the one trying to set up the match, ‘Nerd’ came to me saying she wanted to do something different. I automatically took different to mean a threesome, even though she’d stated many times before that she was not interested in women. I called up a few bisexual ladies that I knew, but most were busy until I got a hold of Blackberry and she said she was willing and able to come through. GREEN LIGHT.

I went and got a room and waited for Nerd to arrive. She got their shortly after I finished my apple pies. She tried her hardest to get me to tell her which girl I was having come over, but I just didn’t want to tell her that the same girl I wanted her to have a threesome with is the same girl I made her get in the backseat for a few weeks earlier (she really hated that). Blackberry called me to get instructions to the room while Nerd unzipped my pants and started giving me head.

When Blackberry finally got there, you could sense a bad vibe in the air. If it was a porno, most people would have turned it off. Nerd and I were on the bed, both on our phones, while Blackberry was at the table texting. I put my phone down and noticed how lame this entire situation was turning out to be. I knew it wasn’t Blackberry, I’ve had threesomes with her before, and her and the other girls got it poppin’ EASILY. It was like they knew each other before I ever introduced them. The problem in the room was clearly Nerd. Maybe BB wasn’t attracted to her. Maybe she recognized her from that brief encounter they had at my apartment. Or perhaps, Nerd really wasn’t gay.

Despite the awkwardness, I was determined to make the best of the situation. Like an idiot, I forgot the condoms in my car, so I sprinted back to get them, hoping and fantasizing that when I returned, they’d be in the bed kissing and moaning; getting each other wet enough to slide right in. Well, that shit didn’t happen. I slid my car in the door, opened it, only to see what, BOTH OF THEM ON THEIR CELL PHONES.

At this point, I’d failed at my mission. I’ve had a few threesomes in my day and by now, I should know how this shit works. You do not bring two SOBER strangers into a room one day and magically think they will have chemistry. When I wanted Feds and The Recruiter, I let them talk for days before we did the damn thang. They went and met each other on their own time, without me around, and built up their own desire for one another. When Blackberry and my lady friend of Canada got it poppin’, we all went out first, had some fun, laughs, etc… by the time we got to the room, they were ripping eachother’s clothes off. But nooooo, Mr. “Just Gotta Do It” was in such a rush to hit two chicks, I ignored the fundamental starting point of every good sexual encounter, THE BUILD UP.

Yea I went on to fuck them, but it was beyond wack. BB ate Nerd’s box, but you couldn’t even tell she was doing it by the expression, or lack there of, on her face. At one point, I really felt like telling both of their asses to leave, jacking off, and going to sleep. Naturally I didn’t do that, so I enjoyed them separately. I managed to get out two good nuts before I fell into a slight coma. There’s no doubt in my mind, had I just been with ONE of them that night, I would have atleast gotten 4 or 5 out, easy.

Nerd is that fake kind of gay. That “I only did it to make you happy” kind of gay. That BULLSHIT, “I don’t know what my sexuality really is,” kind of gay. Just as I suspected, she told me today, “I only did that for you.” Chick, I NEVER asked you to do it in the first place. I have a lot of ladies I’d like to see licking on other women and she was definitely not in that top 20.

Ah well, shit isn’t always sweet. Thankfully I have two more lined up whenever I feel the urge to get at them, but I think I’ll take a break from the menaj’s for now. I’m still in the process of looking for a good woman to be my new main, so as Poitree said, I have to stop giving these random associates so much time, atleast until get the right one in my corner.

Have yall ever had a wack threesome? Do you want to have one, but are scared because you think it might not be what it’s cracked up to be….or the other way around?

Related Posts:

• My Neighbor Surfed A Tsunami
• Her, Her, and Me
• The Best Threesome I NEVER Had
• Reality Check: Waste Of Her Time
• Male Insecurities: Let Me Down Gently

Author: The Undresser

Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.

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