I Wish Them All The Best

“I had a class with your ex. She’s married now, I saw her little pictures of whatever. I don’t know how you do it. I’d be mad if my ex got married. I don’t know how I’d feel about that,” she said sympathetically. That literally came out of nowhere, as I was laying down over one of my female associates apartments. She’s the second woman this week to wonder why I was so unmoved by the fact that all of my ex’s and most of my old mains are either married or engaged now. The answer: it was bound to happen. When you pick quality women, you know if you don’t marry them, eventually, the next man will. So I wish them all the best…

When searching for the woman in your life that will be above all the rest, a lot of dudes search for eye candy; the woman that they can show off to everyone else as they need that approval from the peanut gallery. Other men search for women they can control. Women who are very dependent on his money and/or attention. I have never done either.

They cooked, they cleaned, and they were grandma approved. They were working on bachelors, masters, and doctorate degrees. They had phone sex before they came over, real sex when they got there, and goodnight kisses on the phone after they left. They were polite, lady like, and confident. None had children, none smoked, very few sipped alcohol rarely. They all started off with R&B and finished with Stack Bundles and Joe Budden’s. Each was helpful, loving, and THERE. Each was beautiful in her own way, some probably better looking in my eyes than others, but it made no difference. I chose the RIGHT ones.

Men gawked after the ones I had. From the casual dude just looking to fuck them, to men who were ready to settle down with the right one. I never expected any of them to stay, that goes for Bubbles as well. The women I like are often the complete opposite of myself when it comes to relationships. They date one person at a time. They fuck one person at a time (even though some of you refuse to believe that is possible). They compromise and are willing to put themselves aside sometimes in an effort to please their partner. They will cook the food and wash the dishes. They want you to meet everyone in their lives and have nothing to hide. They make themselves available to you whenever they aren’t busy with school, work, or things on that level. They are the women that good men who want to get married, try to marry, and eventually do marry.

If you have ever loved someone, I think you have to always want the best for them. The best for those women was not me. A dude who would honor and love them the ways that they wanted to be loved is what they all deserved; it’s what every woman deserves. However, every woman doesn’t need the same things. All of my ex’s gave me a chance. Shit, all they asked was for one very simple thing, COMMIT TO THEM. Just be in a monogamous relationship. It’s just not for me though, atleast not now.

One of my ex’s let the possibility of “us” go on through her engagement. At some point, I thought about it, but this man that wanted her, he loved her unconditionally. He loved her enough to give her whatever she her heart desired and quite frankly, that man deserved her. I was always confident that if a woman who I was REALLY into got with another man, she’d pick a good man. I’m not sure how each of them is doing in their relationships right now, but I hope they’re all happy. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Another one of my ex’s got married in 2007 and she’d send me a message online from time to check on me. She always encouraged me to commit to Bubbles and cease the lifestyle I’m living, but obviously I ignored her advice. There were issues in her marriage, but she never told me what they were and I admired that. There is NO REASON that any man outside of your relationship needs to know what’s going on in your relationship. It’s the same logic I give for not feeling the need to divulge anything regarding Bubbles and I. It’s simply nobody’s business, with maybe the exception of your best friend and your mother. Good women recognize that. I know if I was in a committed relationship, I wouldn’t want my woman going to tell some dude who used to fuck her about how I’m getting on her nerves.

When you get past physical attraction, you have to have a woman who will stand next to you, PROUDLY. Fuck giving you money, she will show you how to get money. She’ll get out there and help you sell your mixtapes, hand out your business cards, and bring you applications. She’ll walk 3 miles with you back to her car because your battery died at 2 a.m. in the morning (Jabs). She’ll drive you around in the middle of a blizzard when you’re trying to buy a car even though her car is barely running (TheMrs). She’ll order you food online when you’re hungry when you’re STARVING out here and have it delivered to your door (Ro-Ro). She’ll have the bail money ready for you if you go to jail before they even finish processing you (Bubbles). She’ll get her girls and stand in line at the shoe store for hours just so you can get multiple pairs (Angie Mama). Mine put in WORK outside of the bedroom, so they deserve EVERYTHING.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about so and so from time to time, they know I do, but I think that’s just human. I’ll miss Bubbles when she’s gone as well. But the other side of me, the majority of me….life goes on. They’ll be another, and another, and another. I realize that none of the types of women that I really like are going to put up with how I live forever, so I hopefully I’ll get on point before there are none of them left. Wait, there will ALWAYS be some of them left.

I wish all of my ex’s, old A-Team ladies, and mains the best. I hope they are all extremely happy with the men they have chosen to be with and I give props to the fellas who realized there was no woman out there better for them than the one that they have. So to Mildred, there’s no reason for me to be mad baby, I’d only be disappointed if they got with abusive, fake gangsta, nowhere going niggas.

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