Is it still cheating?

(Recorded last night before bed, in the fetal position, holding my girlfriend’s picture.)

Is it still considered cheating if I didn’t nut? Yea, I know, it’s a stupid question but I figured I’d at least try to get out of this without feeling like crap.

I sort of have a girl. Okay not sort of, I do, there I said it. I have never cheated on her for as long as I’ve been with her. I look at other women, I flirt and I set up situations that would potentially cause me to cheat, but I’ve never went through with anything.

Tonight was a little different.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a while. We break up and get back together just about every week. She’s 100% neurotic, but I love her. Every time I’m about to sit her s**t on the curb and delete her number she gives me this sad look with tears in her eyes that seems to say, “I can’t make it in this world without you.” My mom told me I have a habit of trying to “save women”. I believe her. I just really feel like she’ll be eaten alive without me and I can’t even imagine her being with another dude because I know he’ll treat her like s**t. But speaking for myself, I’ve done a good job (IMO) up until tonight.

Early today I received a text message saying that she was coming to see me tonight. I haven’t seen her in a handful of years and when I used to know her, all we did was f**k on the late night. She’d come through, f**k and leave. Or I’d go to her apartment, f**k, make awkward small talk for a few minutes and leave. I recently ran into her and thought we might pick up where we left off. After that occured, we started out texting about what we’ve been up to over the years and then sure enough, we were right back to talking about sex. She sent me tons of pictures of her playing with herself so I knew it was only a matter of our schedules matching up so we could start f**king again.

All of today I was nervous about seeing her, contemplating whether I should go through with it or not.  About an hour before she was supposed to show up, I got a text from her telling me that we’d have to reschedule because something came up.  Tell me why I got happy? Shortly after that, she said “Nevermind, I’m still going to come.” My heart sank back into my stomach as I made my way home.  Am I really going to do this I kept saying to myself as I drove down the expressway.  Images of my girl’s cheerful smile bombarded my thoughts.  I tried singing along with the radio to drown out the angel sitting on my shoulder.  If he could have texted me, it would’ve been, “SMH”, over and over and over again.

I got home and prepared.  Had a couple beers and paced around my apartment.  She showed up after driving about an hour to my apartment and we went into the bedroom. We both knew what she came to do, but it just didn’t feel the same.  I noticed that a lot of things changed with her. For one, she was thicker, which was an absolute plus. I mean damn, the way her jeans looked had me ready to go.

Then I noticed a tat on her wrist…

…“Dave”.

Turnoff number one.

She started to kiss on me and I noticed that her mouth smelled like cigarettes. She didn’t smoke when I knew her but somehow she picked up the nastiest habit on the planet. The only thing she smelled like back in the day was fruity lip gloss. The fact that she was kissing on me and smelling like an ashtray was turnoff number two. It was actually making me sick to the point where I needed to spit, to get the smaste (smell + taste) out of my mouth.

We got under the covers and she put her hands down my pants and before I knew it, I was inside of her.

…barely.

I wasn’t really hard and couldn’t get past the smell of her mouth or the fact that I was cheating on my girlfriend for the first time, with her of all people.  A smoker with a stupid tattoo from a failed relationship. This broad is the type of chick I’d quickly deny on any other day.  But here I was, having sex with her.  I was hoping Dave called her cell phone, so she could hop off me and tell me she couldn’t go through with it.

She finished, twice to my surprise, but I never even got started.

I proceeded to put my shorts back on and she got up to find her panties.  I’m so glad she set a time for herself to leave and stuck to it, because I needed to have her out of my apartment immediately. I walked her to her car and that was it.

Went back up stairs, took a shower, brushed the smaste out of my mouth (no I didn’t kiss her) and tossed the clothes she touched into the hamper.

I’m confused though man. Kind of. Or maybe I’m just venting and I don’t really want any answers because I already know them.  I hate that I already know the answers.  I wanted to f**k her leading up to today. I even glazed the ham to some pictures she sent me of her playing with herself and couldn’t wait to nut all over her back and stomach. But it was a different story when she got here.

I feel sick.

Related Posts:

• Top 5 Ways To Be A Courteous Cheater
• Where Is Your Girlfriend? The Return Of Jersey
• That Funny Taste In Her Mouth
• The Ex Files: The Mrs
• Where Is Your Girlfriend?

Author: Chalky Studebaker

One Comment

e-bunny

2/17/2010

guys are stupid ..i could understand if you felt okay about doing it to begin with …or if you wanted to while messing with her …but it really sounds like you went against your nature for a what used to be f**k ….and that is retarded…

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